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  1. IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
  2. PROGRAM-ID. JUST-ANOTHER-COBOL-PROGRAM.
  3. DATA DIVISION.
  4. WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
  5. 01 THE-ELEMENTS.
  6. 05 EARTH PIC 9 VALUE 1.
  7. 05 AIR PIC 9.
  8. 05 FIRE PIC 9.
  9. 05 WATER PIC 9.
  10. 01 COSTLY-BUT-TASTEFUL-ADORNMENTS.
  11. 05 CORAL PIC A(3).
  12. 05 SAPPHIRES PIC A(3) VALUE 'HER'.
  13. 05 A-NECKLACE PIC A(26).
  14. 05 OF-POLISHED-STONE PIC A(8).
  15. 05 BEADS PIC A(4).
  16. 01 WHAT-THE-JEWELS-DO.
  17. 05 SHINE PIC A.
  18. 05 GLEAM PIC A.
  19. 05 GLITTER PIC 9.
  20. 05 SCINTILLATE PIC A(5).
  21. 01 I-LIKE-IT.
  22. 05 LIKE PIC A(4).
  23. 05 THAT PIC A(6).
  24. PROCEDURE DIVISION.
  25. THE-PLANET-ITSELF-IS-A-SAPPHIRE-SURROUNDED-BY-BLACK-VELVET.
  26. MOVE EARTH TO GLITTER.
  27. MOVE SPACE TO SHINE.
  28. PERFORM APPROPRIATE-CEREMONY THROUGH A-HAZE-OF-NOSTALGIA.
  29. STRING BEADS OF-POLISHED-STONE THAT GLEAM LIKE CORAL INTO A-NECKLACE.
  30. DISPLAY A-NECKLACE.
  31. STOP RUN.
  32. APPROPRIATE-CEREMONY.
  33. PERFORM ALCHEMICAL-OPERATIONS.
  34. MOVE 'CENOTAPH' TO OF-POLISHED-STONE.
  35. LEARN-TO-CUT-THE-HARD-STONES-WITHOUT-ERROR.
  36. MOVE 'ERROR' TO CORAL.
  37. PERFORM BLACKBOARD-EXERCISES.
  38. PERFORM VARYING GLITTER FROM FIRE BY AIR UNTIL GLITTER IS GREATER THAN WATER,
  39. MOVE 'OBSIDIAN' TO THAT (GLITTER:EARTH),
  40. END-PERFORM.
  41. SEE-HOW-THE-LIGHT-DANCES-BETWEEN-THE-COLOURED-STONES.
  42. ADD EARTH TO GLITTER.
  43. MOVE 'JEWELS' TO BEADS (EARTH:EARTH).
  44. MOVE SHINE TO THAT (EARTH:EARTH).
  45. A-HAZE-OF-NOSTALGIA.
  46. MOVE SAPPHIRES TO OF-POLISHED-STONE (GLITTER:FIRE).
  47. MOVE SHINE TO GLEAM.
  48. MOVE SCINTILLATE (AIR:WATER) TO LIKE.
  49. MOVE '...' TO CORAL (FIRE:WATER).
  50. BLACKBOARD-EXERCISES.
  51. MOVE 'SCHOOL' TO THAT.
  52. MOVE 'CHALK' TO SCINTILLATE.
  53. MOVE 'DUST' TO BEADS.
  54. MOVE ' A' TO OF-POLISHED-STONE (EARTH:AIR).
  55. MOVE 'B' TO THAT (WATER:EARTH).
  56. MOVE 'C' TO SCINTILLATE (WATER:EARTH).
  57. ALCHEMICAL-OPERATIONS.
  58. ADD GLITTER TO EARTH GIVING AIR.
  59. ADD GLITTER TO AIR GIVING FIRE.
  60. ADD EARTH TO FIRE GIVING WATER.
  61.  
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JUST ANOTHER COBOL HACKER.